Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
