we have officially lost it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will pee on everything he values.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
