apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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