he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
