so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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