You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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