So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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