you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
