Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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