Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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