Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize