Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
