I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
