I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
