Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
