just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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