That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
