..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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