Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
