"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
