Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
