Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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