My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
