and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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