Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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