: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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