Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
