if you like me you must not know who I am
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
