i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
