Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize