I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
