If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
