from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
