I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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