I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
