I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
