look no pants
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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