My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
