I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
