this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
