Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize