idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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