Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
