Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize