Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
