Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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