ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
