What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
