I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
