Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
