my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
