I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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