if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just google imaged poop.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
