Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
