i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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