Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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