haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
