I cockslap morals
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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