Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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