Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize