In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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