remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
