I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
