Someone shit on the floor
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize