My underwear smells like fireworks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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