Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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