even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
